And it is so…

Standard

I’ve been in this relationship for quite some time.  I have failed at some things repeatedly and been successful in others.  

After the last misstep we were back in counseling working through our own shit individually and together.

At our last joint counseling session, I simply spoke my truth.  My soul was not being fed and I needed something more, something different.  I asked for what I felt I needed. I laid it out in plain words.  

The response I got was one of confusion.  The mister seemed confused that I had grown and changed and the things I needed in my 20s were no longer the things I wanted or needed in my 40s.

I’ve asked for several different things in this marriage and several times my requests have been met with resistance.  

I have tried time and again to give him what he needs, touch,sex, and food.  So he says, he is just that simple.  Cuddle me Fuck me Feed me.  For some time I have struggled to provide him these things at intervals that were acceptable to him.  When we married I was not a cuddler, nor a woman who loved/lived to cook.  Now I loved the sex part, because 20 years ago I was a horny devil!  The Mister says these are the things he needs to feel loved.  It’s not who I am or was but I made an effort.

So now as I work my own stuff out in counseling (we no longer go together) I’ve come to my own reality.  He simply will not give me the things I asked for.  I won’t get those things from him and he is not going to give it even when I ask for it.

I have tried not to be bitter or resentful.  There are people in this world who simply can not or will not step outside their comfort zone.

He will not step outside that zone for me, though I know he has done it for others.  Since he has made his choices, I have to make mine.

I have a good life, I will not surrender it and I will not allow my soul to remain unfed.  I will not allow myself to become a bitter bitch. 

My plan is to live my life and find sustenance for my soul elsewhere. 

Someone once told me it takes 3… I will find my third.

And it is so, some day soon my soul and my heart will be fed and sated.

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