Think tank

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I laid awake at 0356 this morning and wrote a character for a book I hope I’m able to write.  He’s not what I had originally pictured but as I sussed out his detail it seem to fit better than the character I had “written” before.  

I laid awake for over an hour a bit pissed that I wasting sleeping time (which is a hot commodity lately) but he came to me so strong and real I had to let my mind wonder all over him.  His flaws are many, but I felt my heart full of the man he WANTED to be.  I even got a fuzzy vision of his mother.

All I can say is he’s came to me as a wounded biracial man.  Half black and half samoan.  Which isn’t how I envisioned him at all, but there you have it.  I don’t even have a name for him yet.  Nothing that is rolling around in my spirit fits yet.

I’m hoping more will come to me and I’m able to write what I envision.  It’s hard because a part of me believes when I write this tale, it will cause people in my life to question me and I’m not ready to face that.  I’m hoping to avoid it all together.

I feel like a fish in a bowl, just swimming in my think tank for all to see and judge me.  I don’t want to answer those questions I just want to write this book. This story.

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