….so I creep yeah I just keep it on the down low


I told myself I wouldn’t do it.  I wouldn’t google (google is the devil) but I did.  For the first time in a long while it didn’t turn out the way I had planned.

As I looked at the pics and the video I wondered if you ever creep on me.   Googling the names you have tattooed across various parts of your body.  I am simple to find, but it’s not like I’m hiding.

I imagine a day when I google and I find a baby registry much in the way I found the truth you were lying to me about.  

I noticed a few things…the weight gain…me too and the acne is back which lets me know you are stressed. This makes me sad.  It makes me miss you all the more.  I know my lane and I plan to stay firmly in it.  I am four feet from peace BL.  Finally.

Still battling those little red bottom imps when they pop up, but the darkness has fallen to the background.  I am in a good place for the most part.  I still struggle, but I feel I will not be defeated.

It was good to hear your voice, to see you with the boy.  He so grown up, our version of Noah.  “Our” baby.

Remember when we were in the ER with baby girl?  “Our” babies the lot of them.  

I hope she makes you happy BL I hope when she lays in your arms her head resting on my name across your heart (a bit o’ shade) I hope you are four feet from peace.

Where is her name…

God I hope she never googles “us”

She ain’t ready for the “truth”


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