Asking a loaded question

Standard

When you ask a question you want to receive a honest answer. I believe The Mister asks questions and expects them to be answered in the way he would at any given moment.

When he asked me if I was happy I answered honestly. I’m not and I still struggle even a year later. He feels secure in this space, so he assumed erroneously, I do too.

There are times I am raging on the inside and I try to shelter his feelings. Then I’m even angrier because when he started flirting with his COWORKER neither one of those motherfuckers were concerned about me.

I told him today I don’t feel safe and I’m still not able to trust fully. I really thought I would be further along in my healing by now. Sadly this is not the case. I’m trying to figure out what I get out of staying angry. The way I see it, anger is my heart and souls way if TRYING to feel safe. It does not work but that’s all I got right now.

He looked defeated and sad after I told him my truth. I don’t want him to feel this way. Hey welcome to MY reality. You drove us here. I’m trying to help us get back on the road to healing

This shit hurts like stepping on Legos.

Advertisements

3 responses »

  1. *Thinking out loud*

    Kinda funny how the one who did the hurting has moved on and the receiver of the hurt is still in the moment and feels the need to protect and fix.

  2. I know. He wants it to just go away. In past I’ve allowed it to (but not really) so we could move on. This time he must put in the work, as I am doing. I can’t settle for anything less this time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s