Selective low self esteem

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I am confident person.  I know at most things I am smart and I’m an out of box thinker, a nerd and I embrace those things about me.  I am PROUD of me.

Our counselor asked if I thought The Mister desired me…I said yes I thought he did, he disagreed with me.  He doesn’t think I believe he finds me desirable.  AND YA KNOW…he’s right.  

I don’t think he’s all that into me.  On some level I know that he loves me and for the most part I think it stops there.  I don’t feel he sees me.  At this point I’m too fearful to been seen. *sigh*

I still have no sex drive… none.  I know I have to have sex and I WANT to want to have sex, but I do it because it’s what he needs.  I’m not sure what I need at this point.  

It’s only with him that I feel so small.  How does that happen?  

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6 responses »

  1. I don’t think he knows the extent of it. I’m very on my game in other parts of my life…very vocal. He knows I have “issues” when it comes to him but I don’t think he knows the extent of it. My fault, I know.

  2. No, not your fault. We do not hold back in vain. We keep things to ourselves for a reason. Everything has its season. For me, I know that it is time to “relieve myself” when silence becomes a burden and screams for release. It is almost as if the words come pouring out on their own whether I want them to or not.

    Do you want to tell him?

  3. I don’t know if I want to tell him, I believe it may be a need at this point.

    I’ve been looking for blogs to follow I’m a lover of words and how people use them differently.

  4. Waiting to exhale… I find that it is harder to keep things in. Letting them out, however terrifying, has a therapeutic effect. It’s like knowing that things will not change overnight but that the burden is a little bit lighter than it was the moment before and that things can now move forward. Does that make sense?

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