and I am telling you…

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Oh I could say a mouthful.  I could write poetically about NOT writing.  But I just don’t want to.  I didn’t feel like writing and I didn’t. 

I’m taking time to work through some thangs…some me thangs and some not me thangs.

I’m trying to embrace change, so I’ll lay this here and keep doing…keep moving.

 

BL is getting murried…yes murried.  The divorce came through and he gave all as I’m sure the ex expected.  He loves those babies!

So he’s getting murried come Dec.  He didn’t want to tell me, I told him I would never try to step on his happiness and if you truly love someone (and boy I do) you want them to be full and happy.

A lot of things he says aren’t lost on me, but life is forward moving…or you get caught up in a current that will take your breath and kill you.  I don’t want to die.  I don’t want that love to die.  So forward it is.

He’s still not happy, but I refuse to entertain his mess <side eye nucca>  you can’t play captain save a hoe and expect to be fulfilled.  You have to find someone who is saving themselves that way you don’t feel like you’re being used.  He knows all that already.  So if he’s unhappy, welp your issues ain’t mine.  He once saved my life and for that I’m so grateful, but I’m working on me…can’t work on much else.  This shit is hard work…ya heard?

I’m going BACK to counseling for my PTSD.  This shit makes me feel weak in a way I hate.  Counselor wants to help me find my sexy drive.  I’m hoping she got that goodT goodT G.P.S.  I’m tried of feeling nothing for no one…I mean NOTHING for NO ONE.  I’ve been robbed!  Robbed I tell ya!

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