It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows

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On our mini vacay The Mister decided he wanted to see his Aunt (his mom’s sister)  This is the side of the family that disowned him because he fell in love and married a black woman (hey that’s me!)  We were stationed in The Carolinas when we first married and it was hard having his family so close but cut off from him.  His mother has always supported us even if she didn’t agree with what we had chosen for ourselves.  She loves her baby boy and is always in his corner.  Her mother, father, and 3 sisters were not so loving.  Actually they were exactly opposite of loving.  It tore The Mister apart, but he has learned to put on a brave face and move past his hurt and heartache.

One of his Aunt has recently (in the past 2yrs or so)  made contact with him.  She blamed her ex-husband for her betrayal <insert eye roll here>

He’s been talking and facebooking her and I didn’t say a word.  I know he’s trying to make peace and I get that.

Well while we were in The Carolinas he wanted to stop by and see her before we headed back home.  He asked me if I wanted to see her and I simply said “no” he inquired why and I told him “I just don’t want to” he let me know he wanted to see her I told him to go right ahead but I had no interest in meeting her.  I didn’t and I don’t.

Once The Mister gets something in his mind, well we know how that goes.  

This is the same Aunt that would not allow me in her home, 15yrs ago when The Mister needed to stop by her house I had to sit in the car while he took care of business inside.  I.SAT.IN.THE.CAR.  because some how in this person’s mind I was not worthy to enter her home.  I was a nigger, a coon, a jigaboo, a porch monkey, I was unworthy because I was black.  At that time she had never met me, didn’t know me.  Didn’t know my dreams and my desires for our future.  All she knew was I was black and that was enough for her to eventually turn her back on her own blood.  The whole family did, she is not alone everyone in my MIL’s family had/has turned on The Mister.

As we pulled into her driveway (deja vu) The Mister asked me if I was staying in the truck.  I told him I would be right there when he came out.  I told him to take the kids and take his time. I.SAT.IN.THE.TRUCK.

These people have rejected me, my husband, my CHILDREN!  They have treated my MIL in a ways that I find so reprehensible and hurtful(not acknowledging her grandchildren or her first born…excluding her from her parents 50th wedding anniversary, AND then making her feel some how all of this was HER fault!), I find THEM unworthy, but The Mister is still working on all of this.  

He didn’t stay long, but as he made his way to the driveway, TWO of his aunts trailed behind him.  I was livid, they wanted to say hello to me (16yrs later)  I was civil, because unlike them I have good christian home training, but I was BARELY civil.  

As we pulled out of the driveway with them waving like the Beverly Hillbillies, The Mister asked me what staying in the car was about…I told him I wasn’t there yet, I may never BE there.  After 16yrs he doesn’t get it.  He has NEVER been black a day in his life.  He wants them in his life, I don’t.  

I still have problems putting it all into words.  They turned on him, they turned on us because I AM BLACK.  That is at the core of who they are.  Now they see the light, I’m suppose to set aside how they felt about me, having never met me they assumed the color of my skin some how made me less than…really how do you get beyond that?  I’ve prayed on it, and I let it go but I may never be in place to accept them.  As much as I love The Mister I simply can’t.  I am beyond them.

Other then being sick this was the only dark (bwaaaah) spot in our mini vacay.  I can’t wait to get back down south.  A few racist don’t stop no show!

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2 responses »

  1. To be honest, I could not have done all that you did. I would not have let my kids go or anything. I commend you for that. So…baby steps. If you don’t get there, THEY are to blame…cest la vie.

  2. Enjoyed the read. Like yourself, married or not, a person of another race – especially white, has but one time to insult me and it’s a wrap. I have no insecurities or ideas or future plans to ever deal with them.

    Hilarious @ waving like The Beverly Hillbillies.

    Still, I too hold compassion for your husband who is completely innocent of the prejudice, here.

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