I finally did it, as we were getting ready for church this morning he asked if I would mind if he stayed home. I told him I didn’t mind, even though I did…he knew I would. Standing in a face full of make up and my church going clothes I finally told him everything. About my breakdown, about the meds, about the fear, about my lack of sex drive (which he was certainly already aware of) and the whole weaning process.
I told him how much I feared him, how his hurting me stayed with me even years later. I broke him and I didn’t want that. He asked me if there was someone else. I told him there would never be someone I loved in the way I love him. No one. My Truth.
I could feel it, standing on the cusp of something. I was so terrified. Releasing that truth, showing my fear.
3 hours later I’m not sure where we are, but I know I can tell the truth, it will not destroy him. Holding it in was surely destroying something within me.