Things are ramping up and I can readily admit that I am terrified. This is a milestone, yep I’m shatting maself! I’ve been making a few calls to those close to me. My pinning ceremony invites were ordered LAST WEEK. I now have a countdown on my iPhone. Time is passing slowly but I know it’s quicker than I feel at the moment.
I called my dad to tell him the dates for my pinning ceremony and my graduation…he’s not coming…not to graduation.
<insert heartbreak here>
He’s receiving his Masters on the same day as my graduation. *sigh* My dad and I have a history when it comes to graduations. He didn’t come to my high school graduation. When I attended my high school graduation (didn’t get my diploma then but he didn’t know that) my dad hadn’t talked to me for 5mths because I had broken his heart and gotten pregnant and REFUSED to marry my son’s sperm donor. *sigh* I was devastated he didn’t even acknowledge my day or inquire about J’s birth (which was 3 days after graduation). He didn’t see my son until he was 5mths old. So the history runs deep, but we worked through it and moved on to become best friends again. I am and have always been a daddy’s girl.
As an adult I see my father’s shortcomings not as flaws but just as the human part of him. My big sis pointed out…at least my father is still alive so I can have him in my life, her father died over a decade ago. I know I am blessed to have him.
He did manage to attend my military graduation which I was grateful for.
He says he’s going to TRY and attend my pinning ceremony, he’s trying I want my family around me on this day. Those who have held me up when I couldn’t go on. I want this so badly. It makes me sad that he will miss this day of my life. I want him to make this sacrifice for me. Selfish or not.