Sweet Jesus!

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I am emotionally all over the place.  For the life of me I can’t focus on the tasks ahead.  Packing, planning, school, kids…I know I need to take it one day at a time, but I just feel off kilter.  One week I’m planning a life for me and my kids sans the mister and other weeks I’m questioning my “right” to do that.  *sigh*  I feel so flighty and jumbled.  I look at all the boxes sitting around this house and wonder…”where the fuck am I going?”

School starts monday and I’m not giving that ANY attention right now.  I just can’t.  I’ll become too overwhelmed and spaz out.  I KNOW I need to take it one task, one day at a time.  I KNOW when crunch time comes I will do what I NEED (not want ) to do.

So many thoughts in my mind they are bumping into each other.  Is this MY opportunity to break free of the mister and start my life over?  Am I a true bitch for even thinking about this?  Don’t I have a right to choose the path that gives me some peace?  Will this give me peace?  Why can’t I fix this?  Am I running away?  Is forgiveness not in me?  Why do I feel like I have to learn to harness my emotions while he still doesn’t have to share his?  Is HE really willing to put in the work?  Why don’t I have more faith in him?  Why do I feel he’s not worth the risk after ALL this time?  Why didn’t my mother call my daughter for her birthday?  Why am I not mad at her anymore?

I need meds.

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One response »

  1. You have a lot going on…First and foremost, take a step back and breathe. Maybe a lil time by yourself…Decide what YOU want and what will make YOU happy..Whatever it is…You already know deep down inside you. Take the step forward…Stop living in the past unless its worth it…But you have to worry about your feelings first…It will work out either way its supposed to

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