When the body is injured it tries to heal the damage that is done. Sometimes the body heals incorrectly or overcompensates and there is scar tissue left around the wound. Scar tissue can interfere with the day-to-day function of the affected part.
My relationship with the mister has scar tissue. The damage that was done two years ago is still hindering how I feel and respond to him. It’s one of the main reasons we are seeing a therapist. She has pointed out to me that the issue is now mine because the mister is doing what he needs to do to repair and rebuild our marriage. I am still leery and guarded, afraid. I’m trying to be more open and talk about how I feel when the fear sets in. I try to engage in positive self talk and work through whatever issue I’m having at that time. Sometimes I am successful and other times I’m a miserable failure (like yesterday) but I keep at it. I’m trying to get to the point in my marriage when as soon as I have a negative thought/feeling the positive loving self talk kicks in before the negative loop can start to roll and I end up emotionally out of control.
The therapist has told the mister not to avoid setting me off, not to walk on egg shells with me. My issues can’t be dealt with unless they are brought out in the open. I get that.
What I don’t get is how the mister doesn’t understand that I can’t always see him in a positive light. Once you know what someone is capable of doing that knowledge is a part of that relationship forever. Should it rule and dominate? No, but past pain and injury is not forgotten.
I understand he is trying, I’m trying too. I’m willing to put in the work but I want him to see that this fear and failure to see him the way he is today wasn’t MY doing. HE cut us wide open and I’m trying hard to manuever beyond the scar tissue. To NOT let it hinder us, me.