WANTED

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I went to ATL for my baby sis’s high school graduation…ATL is a chocolate and lovely.  My baby sis lived with our middle sis for her senior year in H.S.  The family gathered and had a great time.  My middle sis’s mom was my very first step mom.  She was in my life until I was around 10…that is when her and my dad split up.  She moved to California and I saw her for the first time this weekend.

It would seem there were things she was burning to tell me all of these years.  Things she wanted me to know about my life back then.  She didn’t want to be the wicked step mother (which is true she was always really good to me).  My mother wasn’t the voice of reason (go figure) in those days.  I lived with my mother but saw my father often.  He was a good part of my life.  The part where I felt safe, where I felt like I could be me.

My (ex) step mother wanted me to know that my father WANTED me.  Full time.  He spoke to my mom about it and was shot down.  This was the 70’s and father’s weren’t give custody not in those days.  I was so caught off guard by this revelation I was speechless.  She told me she thought I was a wonderful kid and she supported my father in his wish for me to be with them full-time.

For years growing up, I simply thought I was an after thought.  My mother let me think those things and at time reinforced them.  *sigh*

I also learned that there were times I was kept away from my father when he wanted to spend time with me.

My sister knows I have daddy issues, I suppose she wanted me to know Daddy’s side of the story.

Now I have it and sadness ensues.

My little sister was devastated when she found out the truth, how we could have been raised together, how I wouldn’t have been raised in the projects and molested by the next door neighbor.  How I would have been free to be me ALL the time and not made to feel like an outsider.

I was wanted.  My Daddy loved me enough to want to raise me everyday, he wanted me in his life.  My (ex) step mother wanted me as her child she loved me.

My little sis wanted me to know these things, not to spite my mother, but release me from those thoughts of being unloved…she told me… “no child should ever have to feel that they are unwanted

I’m still working on undoing some of THAT damage.

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One response »

  1. What a gift they have all given you. And how hard it must have been for them to be quiet all those years to shield you from the battle.

    Loved and Wanted.

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