OHREALLY?

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I’m trying really hard to let your words sink in.  I feel like you are trying to set me up to question myself.  I’m truly hoping I’m too strong for that.  Mentally and emotionally.

I often wondered how you thought of me and your words have provided some light on that.  Guarded, predisposed to looking/waiting for other people’s failures?  OHREALLY?  LOL.

I will admit to the being guarded with those I don’t know, but once I love you I am open to who and what you are and what you mean to me.  I guess you missed that (or not) because I was so busy moving and trying to make things fit.  Not MY issue.

I held you in my heart for a very long time.  You are not the first person to accuse me of this guardedness(?) but that person too didn’t want to readily embrace their fuck up, it just became easier to point to mine and say…”hey poetry I didn’t REALLY fuck up/let you down, you set me up for failure by not truly letting me in and believing in me.”

Bitch please!

<insert eye roll here>  LOL!

How many times did I open myself and lay myself bare?  I made the effort I did the work for a long time.  I’m done.

I don’t think I’m going to respond to you after today.  I have set forth a course to emotional stability and not even you will deter me.

I got 99 problems but you ain’t one.

How does the ether feel?

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2 responses »

  1. One thing that I really like about you is that you are not afraid to look at troubled relationships and take ownership of which parts were yours.. but also, to NOT take ownership of the parts for which YOU were not responsible. You recognize that you cannot be all things to all people, and that you have to do what is right (and by that I mean HEALTHY) for yourself.

    I see you doing all these smart, strong, protective things for yourself.. moving into healthy relationships and through school and work and the gym.. I mean, really, girl. You are on a roll.

  2. LOL! Thanx for the luv Corey. I’m trying really hard. I have carried my shortcomings and other’s for a while now. I want people to know I’m no longer jumping and running trying to make things happen that simply aren’t meant to be. I feel I’m a really good friend, but I expect my friends to give as much as I do in their own way of course. I am learning to love from a distance, it hurts and it’s hard…I’m going to keep trying and hope that my friendships endure and thrive.

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