I like to think I love Jesus. I mean he’s something really special. He has blessed me with riches and love beyond measure. We talk daily and I pray for guidance, forgiveness and strength.
I call myself a recovering southern baptist. I was raised in the church by my granny and then my mother…wouldn’t you know the church my mother chose to raise me in was rife with sin, misogyny, and mental midgetry. I was asked to leave the church (where the preacher had children OUTSIDE his marriage) when I got pregnant with J my senior year in H.S.
I haven’t moved into a new church home since that time, but I never once turned my back on Jesus. I would like to raise my children in church, I want them to know and love Jesus. I have avoided church (organized religion) because I can’t trust a man to be a true man of God. I’m working on that.
It’s on my 2010 to do list…no, really it is.
My sister and BIL are active in their church. They stay praying for my eternal soul (Auntie G is the leader of THAT prayer circle)
My first night in VA, my sister dragged my to bible study.
It was informative and I enjoyed myself. My family kept a close eye on me, I do believe they were afraid I would be hit by the spirit and start running and screaming around the church.
While I enjoyed the teaching, I was AGAIN after 19yrs put off by a man of God. The pastor was disturbed by a bishop who had been reinstated after he admitted to living a gay lifestyle. Auntie G, took those moments to ask me how I was enjoying being in church (heathen that I am) I told her that I was enjoying the teaching, however I was put off by how the black church is exclusionary to the detriment of its people because they liked to compartmentalized sin. I tuned out shortly after.
We talked religion my entire visit. While it was interesting at times, I have different views than my sister and the rest of my family and I grew tired of them trying to “convert” me. ( I know it’s out of love, but get the fuck off my back).
I told my BIL about the exclusionary practices of his church, he quickly informed me that the pastor mentors and encourages a “gay” (they wouldn’t say he was gay, they went on to say he had liaisons with men…ummm that would make him G.A.Y.) member to head the youth program and preach the word. I asked my BIL why the gay member shouldn’t do those things. His thought was that the while the gay members sin didn’t make him unlovable in God’s eyes, it did mean he was living a sinful lifestyle.
I laughed out loud and asked him why he was disturbed by his minister preaching each and every Sunday? My BIL was perplexed and told me his preacher wasn’t gay. I told him his preacher was a sinner, just as sure as the gay member was a sinner. I told him his preacher was a GLUTTON, which is why he was about 70lbs overweight. HIS pastor was living a glutton lifestyle, which we had all witnessed when he came to visit that day. The pastor had eaten at home, BUT he also ate chicken, BBQ, greens and two desserts after he had arrived. Gluttony is a sin.
My BIL had no answer for that question. I told him when we stop pointing and preaching about OTHER’S sins we can heal as a community. I told him the black community (which currently has an obesity/gluttony epidemic) likes to point fingers at sins we don’t possess, but turn a blind eye to the sins that are right in our faces.
A sin is a sin is a sin. If we counting them up, hell let’s count them all.
I can’t stand organized religion, but I love Jesus. Yes Lord.