Quiet time

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We talk around it, can’t seem to talk through it.

BL and I

He has already taken full responsibility for his fuckery.  I can’t and won’t ask for more than that.

But we have always been able to talk.  I feel like I can’t be safe with him.  Like my words will just continue to wound the both of us.  So when he asks what’s on my mind.  I can’t open my mind and heart enough to share.

I’m so sad.  So angry.  He changed us with his selfishness ( I always thought I was the selfish one!) and I feel different, still dazed, still confused.  I can’t make peace with this.  He has changed us.  Without my consent he has taken us to a place that is quiet.  So quiet.

In that quiet I can hear us as we USED to be.  I miss that.  I miss the talking, the laughing, the comfort.

We are strained BL and I  feel like there has been a death, I feel the grief, the loss and then I listen and all I hear is quiet.

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