With the full moon tonight I thought of you for the first time in what feels like a long time. Tonight I am sad that things turned out the way they did. I don’t always feel this way, but I do right now.
I guess these are just moments of weakness, a kind of emotional insanity. I can say at this moment I long for what could have been and at the same time I’m relieved I don’t have to carry the burden of you and me.
I’m conflicted for the first time in a long time and I so tempted to just let go and check on you, but I know I won’t. I simply can’t move backwards. That’s not how I want my life to work.
Today was Nando birthday, perhaps this is why I’m so emotional. I just don’t know.
If I’m truthful I can say a part of me wants you to reach for me, to mend the unmendable.
When the sun rises I hope to be better, to know I’m standing stronger than I have in years. I want to be okay standing just where I am, being who I need to be.