Standing

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With the full moon tonight I thought of you for the first time in what feels like a long time.  Tonight I am sad that things turned out the way they did.  I don’t always feel this way, but I do right now.

I guess these are just moments of weakness, a kind of emotional insanity.  I can say at this moment I long for what could have been and at the same time I’m relieved I don’t have to carry the burden of you and me.

I’m conflicted for the first time in a long time and I so tempted to just let go and check on you, but I know I won’t.  I simply can’t move backwards.  That’s not how I want my life to work.

Today was Nando birthday, perhaps this is why I’m so emotional.  I just don’t know.

If I’m truthful I can say a part of me wants you to reach for me, to mend the unmendable.

When the sun rises I hope to be better, to know I’m standing stronger than I have in years.  I want to be okay standing just where I am, being who I need to be.

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2 responses »

  1. “I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.”

    Kurt Vonnegut

    I found this quote and it fits you to a “T”. Keeping yourself from the “center”, you can see clearly and know that you do not want to lose yourself. You and I are alike…it is easier to control the situation from the outside looking in. I understand, because this is me.

  2. Amen girl. Love that quote! So true. So perhaps the edge IS the best place for us…this way you can still what needs to be seen.

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