A.M. ambush!

Standard

No talking last night.  I had to study and he went to play ball.

He ambushed me this morning, while I was getting ready to leave for school.  He just asked me what my beef was.  I articulated it as well as I could.  I didn’t even cry.  Go me!

Told him that I haven’t moved passed his disregard and disrespect.

I asked him point blank if he wanted a divorce…he said he didn’t want that he just wanted us to be happy TOGETHER and have JOY within our marriage.

He was under the assumption that I wasn’t talking to him…hmmm strange…I asked him if he wanted to talk and he declined so I waited it out since I knew he was hurt and mad that I had hit him.  I fucked up, so I didn’t want to force him to talk to me.  I wanted to wait until he was ready.

So I ended up off track this morning.  He looked so hurt, so confused.

Unfortunately we are in the same place.

Fuck My Life!

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2 responses »

  1. Lovey,
    Underneath all of the hurt, and the anger,
    Is it possible that what you both want
    Is the same?
    Respect
    Love
    Joy

    I hear you these past days, and I don’t hear a woman who wants out.
    I hear a woman who is wounded
    and wants her man to hold her
    soothe her
    Make it right.
    I hear a man who is wounded
    who wants things to be better
    and doesn’t know how to get there.

    You want him to call you
    check in with you
    ask your opinion
    coordinate schedules
    consider your time important.

    This is not a woman who wants to walk away.
    Even before this, when you have been angry with him,
    it was because he was not wooing you
    the way he should.
    Getting in sync.
    Making you a priority.

    Underneath all of this,
    YOU LOVE EACH OTHER.
    You are just lost.

    I will tell you that marriage counseling saved my marriage.
    It was not easy to go.
    I had to check my ego at the door
    and let a lot of past hurts go.
    But my marriage is better
    Stronger
    for it.

    Love.

  2. Wow woman you see me don’t you? Sometimes it seems so much easier to bitch and walk away. I’m tired and I feel like I’ve been fighting this fight for so long…I’m battle weary. I’m just know when enough is enough. I don’t know how he can “make it right”. I’m still working on forgiveness…for him and for myself.

    Thank you for your words.

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