Speak it

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Today I feel so sad.  I talked to my dad ❤ and he’s holding up, but I know it’s just a matter of time before he has to stop moving and things hit him.

January is turning into a real bitch.

The mister and I are just strange…mayhaps there is destruction on the horizon.  I’m preparing for some fuckery in the near future.  Don’t want to be caught off guard this time.  It would be nice to be able to talk to him (but it’s easier to whine here…the whole coward thing) and tell him what I’m feeling.  But see this is where the mindfuck comes into play if I tell him what I’m feeling HE gets all butthurt…starts talking about how he’s trying so hard and he feels like he’s being punished.  I just don’t want to hear that, I feel this way because I’m human.  I’m still recovering.  It’s may take years…it may never happen.  BUT I’m not allowed to speak it.

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