I heard the first few notes of the song and I felt it…that slow ache that had become constant not so long ago.
I lost my shit and went to a dark place because of wanting something I wasn’t meant to have. It consumed me, overtook me and left me lost and hurt.
I am now in the place I had longed to be, a place I didn’t think was possible. I am safe on the other side (perhaps I have spoken too soon). I didn’t know I could be here. Sometimes I feel numb, but I don’t ever feel the panic of longing, of wanting.
I don’t ache for his touch.
I don’t run away in my dreams to something that isn’t running towards me.
I’m hoping today…I have moved beyond him.
For the first time in a very long time…nothing in this song makes sense to me.
I am here… in this moment hoping this is the beginning of my true survival.