I heard the first few notes of the song and I felt it…that slow ache that had become constant not so long ago.

I lost my shit and went to a dark place because of wanting something I wasn’t meant to have.  It consumed me, overtook me and left me lost and hurt.

I am now in the place I had longed to be, a place I didn’t think was possible.  I am safe on the other side (perhaps I have spoken too soon).  I didn’t know I could be here.  Sometimes I feel numb, but I don’t ever feel the panic of longing, of wanting.

I don’t ache for his touch.

I don’t run away in my dreams to something that isn’t running towards me.

I’m hoping today…I have moved beyond him.

For the first time in a very long time…nothing in this song makes sense to me.

I am here… in this moment hoping this is the beginning of my true survival.


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