My week is a short one but I’m more than a little discouraged. It would seem that I am standing in my own way. I’ve done this all of my life. Seeing the light at the end of tunnel and then I turn away from the light and fuck everything up. I did it with my military career. My fear of whatever is on the other side of that light is my very own little hater. Tripping me up not allowing me to be great. I am my own worst enemy. I knew I needed to study harder, I knew I needed to study longer and now I’m on the verge of flunking out of my program because of a fucking 74.87, when I need at least a 75…there is no rounding in nursing school and I know this. I don’t know what is going on with me.
I also found out that going back in the military is not a option for me. Not even sure I wanted to go back but knowing that door is firmly closed is sad for me, even though I know fate is pushing me in the direction I need to go.
I’m just feeling really fucked up right now. I want to go back into therapy and perhaps go back on my meds but I know that when I go for licensing (God willing I get that far) all of that has to be disclosed on my application. I don’t want to have to do that. So here I sit typing out my feelings and wondering why my little hater is winning. I want to kick her ass!
I need a good cry and a kick in the ass.
I have to do this, but at this moment I feel like what the fuck?
I’ve let my mind wander into places I know it shouldn’t be so I need to block that out and get back on track, this is my life I worked hard to get here and I need to work hard to stay here.
I just need to beat the shit out of my little hater and get on the road to be the me I crave to be.
So if you see my little hater tell that trick bitch I’m coming for her! Tell I got that crazy look in my eye and I’m going to fuck her up for real this time. Tell her she betta run, cuz I am from the ghetto and she got a ghetto ass whoopin coming. She has been warned!
* for those of you who don’t know what a little hater is….
little hater this is for you! BITCH!