I’m trying really hard not to be resentful. We are in a really safe place right now. Not perfect, but a good place all the same.
Today we decided to clean out the garage so there would be room for both of cars when mother nature decides to unleash her wrath upon this place.
I sat on my Daddy’s fanstool (I’ll blog about that another time) and watch as he packed up all of his trains. I understand they are his passion, but I have focused my passion on getting free book from the library.
I watched him with growing resentment as he piled his 10’s of thousands of dollars worth of toys into their containers to make room for his new vehicle (prior to this cleaning spree my truck fit just fine all by itself). I thought of all the times I denied myself that new something because I knew the money could go elsewhere. Obviously the Mister hasn’t had the same yearning to put our financial future first.
I just walked away from him and tried to think pleasant thoughts, he doesn’t beat me, he’s not an alcoholic, he’s not running the streets, he’s not abusing me or the kids. (of course I don’t think he should get brownie points for not being an asshole, but I needed to calm myself down).
I don’t want to play tit for tat, but I really want this $55 purse from etsy.com. I’ve bought my self 3 t-shirts all summer for a grand total of $30. I purchased $80 of hair products for me and El Syd for my mother’s day/birthday present. (the Mister had tried to buy me a new $$$ purse for mother’s day but they just weren’t my style)
I don’t want to be resentful, I want him to have his toys. I want him to be happy, but I don’t want to be the only one sacrificing the fun stuff for the sake of us.