Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in you. I wonder all the time what you ever saw in me.
I wonder why I didn’t look beyond the physical and the right now. I saw in you someone who had a good heart, who was funny and kind.
No one should be allowed to get married before the age of 25, yeah I said it, deal with it.
I was young, you were younger and I didn’t in those moments of loving you, think of how to sustain a lifetime. What I would need and what you would need as well.
I know I am not feeding your soul, which seems to dwell in the physical…cooking, cleaning, sex. You are not feeding my soul… words, actions, openness.
In those early years of loving each other the things our souls needed didn’t seem to be an issue. Or perhaps the high that comes with new love blinded us to our opposite needs.
I am not domestic, I am not your mother, nor do I find joy in doing those things even though I know they make you feel…whatever it is you allow yourself to feel.
You are not open with your words or your emotions, you do not find joy in sharing either with me.
I’ve tried to find my own joy to feed my soul.
How at 22 did I not know, could I not see that maybe just maybe you were only meant to be in my life for a season, not a lifetime?
I don’t want to be someone I am not that’s too hard.
I don’t want to force you into a role that makes you want to crawl out of your skin and away from me.
It shouldn’t be this way.
For either of us.