It seems like a dream, I dreamt every single thing.
I feel a fuzzy distance, a distance that makes it hard to see, to feel.
I’m drifting into the unknown. Just me. Alone.
I want to reach out to him to connect so the distance doesn’t seem so expansive.
I’ve said too much and still for me it is not enough.
Have I lost? Am I lost?
Does he feel this distance? Is he even feeling these long moments of silence?
I do not wish, do not need ,do not want.
I ask myself has his soul fallen out of harmony with my own? I want that? Pulling away? Safety perhaps. Asking for too much? Did I not start out asking for enough?
Is he emotionally crippled unable to express love to me the way my soul needs to be fed?
Doing what he can, doing what he knows, but in my soul, in life’s learnings I know it is not enough.
He loves me? yes no maybe.
He does not know my love’s language. My soul’s dialect.
I learned from a decade of spoken and unspoken foreign languages.
I know my love’s language, my soul’s dialect.
I will NOT settle for anything less than his true OPEN soul.
This time I will not settle for anything less than complete soul translation.
My soul will speak, it will not be silent not for this love not for this lifetime.